Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Comedy of Me

I'm a hilarious guy. Really, I am. Take this instance, for example:

A few weeks ago, somewhat disgusted and fed up with my inability to drop any weight (not like I'm really trying, but that's not important), I sold my guitar which was gathering dust since I'm apparently so fat-fingered I can't make nice chords and decided to heck with it...I was getting a mountain bike. After all, I live in a great town with trails and quiet roads all around, so why not get a real bike and take advantage?

After working with Josh Felt, a buddy of mine from my mission who lives in Logan and who is an avid biker, he was able to get me a discount on a bike (shout-out to the guys at Joyride Bikes, by the way, for all their help) which I went and got last weekend.

So, a few rainy days pass, and I'm finally able to take my first turn on the bike. Now, mind you, I have not been on a bike since the very first days of my mission. We're talking...um, a lot of years (ahem). So, I went and tried it out. I told Josh about my experience, and he thought that it was so funny, it should be posted on my blog. Well, since I have no shame, here it is for your enjoyment--my unedited description of my first bike ride in ages:

"Thought you'd be interested in hearing about my maiden bike ride this morning (I could have picked a little better weather, but whatever). I think I got about a mile and a half before my legs totally shut down. Man, I forgot how much work that can be on those muscles in there! I'm trying to walk around a little more at work today so my legs don't lock up on me, but it felt good to be out.

"I think it's been since the beginning of my mission that I've been on a bike (and that was just in my first area, for like 3 days), so I'm still a little rusty at it...my turns aren't real tight (I ended up in the road for a while instead of on the bike path 'cause I couldn't negotiate the turn fast enough), and getting on and off the bike was truly embarrassing (I used our fence to help me on, and literally fell off the bike on someone's lawn since I couldn't get off gracefully, and because aforementioned strength from my legs was all gone). It was only like a twenty or twenty-five minute ride, but I felt like I got a massive workout. My butt doesn't hurt yet, but it may just be that my legs hurt so much right now that I can't feel my butt. I'm hoping this is normal, since I feel like a massive tool right now since my first ride was so manly, but luckily, I don't think many people are watching at 6:45 in the morning."

That was a week ago. I've been on the bike since, and am glad to say that I can now mount the bike without using the fence and can get off it without falling (barely). I'm still having a few distance problems, but that's probably due to the fact that I've been trying to take the hill up to my son's school, which is unforgiving (and how am I supposed to navigate 21 different gears the first time correctly?). I'll stick to the flats for a while, and maybe I'll be able to go a little further before my legs turn to jelly. I'll admit I look real cool in my blue helmet, blue gloves, and on my blue bike, but I'm also going to have to do something about the parts down below so they don't turn blue, too. Without being too graphic, let's just say Josh's recommendation to get a pair of bike shorts is quickly becoming prophetic. I'll just leave it at that. Until my wife makes me edit this post, that is.